I'm really going to miss choir this year. I was listening to some music... and it left me feeling really sad that I'm not going to be able to sing some of the chamber music. It really comes down to do I even have the time to be in choir this semester? I'm taking more classes... and I'd like to get a job.

I'm real sad about it though... maybe we can really get together and do some MJEW stuff... maybe for holidays. Eventually, I'd like to settle down into another choir... but, who knows.

Robby is just too unorganized. He could really be something great... but, I don't think he will ever let himself

a meaningful song filling me with hope

World without End - FIF

For all the deepest thought compiled,philosophy
to laws of physics,
no one's ever heard or seen,
a more beautiful thing,
than this love that saved us.
[Chorus:]
In the soundless awe and wonder,
words fall short to hope again.
How beautiful,
how vast your love is,
new forever,
world without an end.
The very spark that burns the stars,
drew near to me today,
the God of everything that is,
whispered in my ear that His love is boundles

I can't find them?

I was going to write something but, now I'm at loss for words. I'm nervous about next semester. I want to have a good year. I want to be good with my roommates and I want to be happy. I know it will work out. I just want it to be so good this semester. Its scary going into a house with people I don't know. I feel so alone knowing that I didn't have any one to live with. I'm over it. I was really bitter and hurt before... but, I know God has something planned. I know it will work out.
I know next semester is going to be blessing... if not for myself, I know I will definately be able to be there for Jeff. He is important to me. I really care about him and I know he's going through a lot. Anyway.... I'm done! :)

"This Years Love" - David Grey

I was just listening to the music that I decided to put on my myspace. I have 5 songs on there on random... but, right now... I've just been sitting quietly, listening to this song.
I'm so blessed with everything that I have been given. I have this wonderful man in my life. He pisses me off sometimes... but, he is so perfect for me. Everything else isn't important to compared to the good enough him.
Changes are happening in me again. I'm really excited... I have no idea where I'm going. It seems like every so often I hit another step. Its nice to know that I'm growing. I'm growing up... God is showing me what I have... I'm clawing on not to lose it again. I hate thinking about the friends that I have lost over the years. I'm at the point where I am like I'm done with the drama... I don't even care what happened any more.
Its all mixed right now. I'm sure it will get sorted through. All I know is that it is clear to me the kind of friends I need are ones that I can be open with about everything. Ones that I know will never judge me and are always there for me, and not just for their benefit. Ones that let me in to their problems and let me be there for them too. Ones that will accept what I have to offer without being so quick to tell me what a horrible person I am.
The friends I have right now are so healthy. I know I'm getting closer to Jason right now. He means a lot to me. He is one of those friends that I think I will grow old with. I can picture him baby sitting my kids and come over for dinner and going on old folks cruises with me and Erick and who ever he marries.

So anyway... I'm growing... I should read my devotion real quick so I can write about it.

I had something to write... but, I'm just too tired and lazy, now. I can't remember what I was going to write. Oh well!

BFF

I have disappointed myself yet again, but this time it is managable. No one has judged me and no one has made fun of me. That's what's so great about friends. My friends are the best friends in the world. Ya, sometimes they piss me off... sometimes they can be inconsiderate... hell sometimes I piss them off and sometimes I'm inconsiderate... but, whatever the case is, I can truly say they have and always will be there for me. When I have vomit in my hair they clean it out for me... when I make a mistake and do something that is wrong, they are the first to understand.
I love them and I don't know how I could ever get by with out them. They are my everything.
Its funny because we lost touch for a little while... but, it didn't matter when we revamped everything about a year and a half ago. Its fun getting to know them again. Its fun getting to know who they have become as they have grown up.
I'm especially thinking of my very best friend(and yes, I have officially given him the title... I told him yesterday) Jason. He is special to me and I care very much for him. I think I'm going to try extra hard from now on to tell him how special he is to me.
I'm done!

baby steps

Its so easy for me to forget what its all about... what the whole point of living is. How could I have fallen so short of what I know is right. Its not even that I have done something horrible or that I have completely forgetten the love that is waiting for me... but, I've just gotten slack with it. How can expect so much from everyone else and yet so little of myself? It is time for me to get back on track... and this time for me and me alone. I need to begin to read my bible more consistantly. Faith comes from hearing and hearing by the word of God... I can't forget that. I can't follow blindly any more. I need to expect more of myself and I need to just tough it up and do it! :)
I've read tonight... and I will read tomorrow! It is through this change... that God will bring about great works. I know that he will use me when I am ready. I can feel greatness in the future... all I have to do is let him and prepare myself through him!

so, with that I will go and feel refreshed knowing I'm a little closer to my goal! :)

an exciting week ahead...

I'm pumped! I just talked to Jason who has informed me that Cliff is in town tomorrow! woo woo! So, it appears that I will be hanging out with him. I'm really excited because I totally love Cliff! I haven't seen him in probably a year... but, its cool! Anyway... We all plan to go to Fridays tomorrow, however, I'm hoping to persuade everyone into going to Dave and Busters for happy hour. I love that place, its so much more fun than fridays! You don't have to just sit at a table... you get to walk around and play games and get tickets. And, the tickets are pretty easy to get. I have like 900 or something on my card... and I've already spent about 900 on these cool ipod speakers.
Anyway... I know it will be fun! Also, I hope to either go swimming tomorrow or atleast do something. I need to get to CBU and buy my books before they run out like they did last year! Last year, I couldn't buy some of my books until like half way through February... I got this one book like 2 weeks before I needed to turn in a paper! It was hecktic! So, no more will that happen!
I'm going to go... Erick has to leave soon! :)
I'll probably be back later... :)

Random thoughts

I don't really have any specific thoughts that I wanted to put down right. Just that I'm having a good day. Yesterday, I was overly emotion... mainly with reason. I was crying about stupid stuff, like when Erick tied the game even when he said he would let me win. I wasn't even crying because I thought I was going to win but, I was crying that I trusted him... and, even then, I was crying really for no reason because he told me he would still let me win. He'd let me win by a 100 if I wanted to. :)
Anyway... I'm watching Italian Job. And, I'm still anxious about this whole roommate situation. I know it will work out. I just don't like feeling secluded, but again, it will work out... I should stop over thinking this and pray like Bobby said. I'm praying... I prayed last year... this time I'm praying for something different, like I said before.

So, yep, I'm done! LOVES

feeling confident

I think this summer has had great affects on me. I've lost weight. I've seen my problems. I just overall feel so much more confident. Looking back on last semester, I can see my problems. I can see the rut that I let myself fall into. I'll take the blame for it, though there were a lot of reasons that pushed me into this.
I let myself become a recluse, which is obviously the opposite of me. I'm normally an outgoing/super-friendly chick.
I'm really nervous about this semester. I know I shouldn't be. Things will work out... its just scary knowing that I'm moving into an apartment with people I don't know. I'm so afraid of being left out again, and a the same time I don't want to push my way into something that is already there.
Things will work out. I'm not there for anyone else but myself. I am there to learn and grow closer to God.
This summer, I have been really praying for my roommates. I'm praying that they will be exactly what I need according to God, and that they wont be what I think I need. God will work it out if I'm deligent.

Either way, I know this semester will be good. I just need to find a job and make an effort with the people that I already know.
So, I think I'm oging to go make myself a sandwhich. :) Turkey and Provolone! mmm!

Buh-bye! :)

another yay!

total financial aid awarded(per semester) = 11,655
Total due (including tuition, room and board, books, etc) = 12,845

I'm super excited... the amount was less this year... I think its because I don't have a lab fee this time. Stupid lab fee!

I'm going to have a little dough left over after too which should make a nice vacation during my christmas break. Erick and I would like to get out of town for a while... a couple days atleast. When he has a job combined with my job money... it should be pretty nice.
I'm really happy with things!

I need to school on Thursday to find out about my financial clearance and then I need to pay off my room deposit. There was something else that I had to do but, I can't remember... oh I want to bump up my meal plan to 13 meals a week. 10 isn't enough... especially since Erick(hopefully) and Jeff are going this semester. I'll be able to have dinner and breakfast with them all the time. Plus, I like having lunch with my mom :)

Ok so I'm going to go...
This day is doing good... I weight 160lbs! I lost 3lbs since last week... 3lbs a week or so is really good and healthy weight loss...
ok so I'm done! LATES

I am happy today. I'm happy to think about life and its little twists and turns. It has been a good couple of days. I'm making plans for next semester. I'm so happy to see some of my friends again. It has been 3 months... and it will be 4 by the time I see them.
One of them made me think to day about spiritual gifts... you get to thinking what is mine? I know that God has blessed me with this overwhelming compassion on everything and everyone. I know that this will come in to factor as I get older and God begins to show me what I will do with the rest of my life. I know that God also gives me so much wisdom when I need it. He puts his words in my mouth for them just to flood out without me even thinking. He has given me endless situations that help me to be there for those who need it. I think that is why sometimes my friends come to me when they need to talk, because God has helped me get through so many discouraging situations...
I have a third thing that I have gotten from him... or atleast I think I have. I have to grow into it I think and learn to trust God more... but, I think that he has given me the gift of discernment... atleast at times when I need it.
I'm glad that God is working in me. I can't wait to grow more and more in him. It is a slow process... but, patience is a virtue.
I'm working slowly toward the end of the race as Paul would call it.

I think I will end with that... and go make myself a wrap(turkey and swiss)!

a sad view of life...

Do you ever know anyone who is so depressed about life? A person who has had a lot of bad things happen to him and just can't get past them? I feel so bad for this person that I'm thinking of. I don't even know what to say about the situation because I don't know what to feel about it. I'm worried about him because I don't know if he'll ever let go of his doubt. I don't know if he'll ever just relax.
Sure, relaxing is harder than it seems. I'm definately not the person to be pushing a stress-free life... but, I'm just so worried about him.
I think his biggest struggle is this desire to find someone, a girlfriend, a wife. Finding someone isn't as easy as finding just anyone you can stand. I've seen too many people fall into these relationships just because it was the right time. It is ridiculous to just get married or engaged after knowing this person for a month. There is more to a relationship than just love. Love doesn't conquer all... as sad as it sounds love isn't enough. There is so much more... though love is a big portion.
I guess I'm at the point of my life where I could say that I could find a misleading kind of love in anyone if I had enough time. I think the love that I have with Erick is more than the love I had with Ben because of everything else that comes with it. Its not just the butterflies I have in my stomach... its everything else to.
I guess love is hard to explain. There are too many version of it... and they are always mistaken for one.
Who knows where I'm going with this blog. I guess I just don't want to see him fill this void in his heart and soul with a girl.
I guess I'm a big believer of a spouse not fullfiling a person... I was fullfilled before I met Erick, but with Erick, I am more complete. I truly feel that with Erick, I can do more for God than I could do without him. But, if I had never met Erick... I suppose I would still live a fullfilling life... though, I would never give Erick away now.

Anyway... like I said, it is all very confusing. I think I'm done, for now.

My room is flooded... and the stupid people haven't come to clean it up. I don't know what I'll do when Erick gets here... considering that there is no way of walking... just sitting on the bed and the chair. That's it. I think I'll take a nap until he gets her.
Until later... goodbye

The Pedersen house has been flooded! ah!

I haven't been on in like 2 days!! omgosh poor me!

Well, anyway... I had something political to say last night but, at this momment it escapes me! I'll probably be back after I watch the Colbert Report, and maybe get something to eat.

Great new though... I weighed myself and I have officially lost almost 30lbs this summer. I feel so great! I have tons of energy and I'm pretty excited!

I was going to write something... but I have been distracted! dang it!

aye aye... I still have to go back to CBU and finish turning in this paper work... there is so much!

So anyway... let me go do that... I'll be back later probably

Its a funny story actually... guess who we saw at Disneyland today?? the amazing handsome, Matt from Relient K!
Yay for me and Erick... these are actually pictures from Vans Warp Tour last year