Jump in an go... is that really a good idea? Has the person of this advice considered the need for trainning? How can a person just automatically survive without swimming lessons. Sure, they might be able to tread water for a moment, but don't you want this to last?
I warned this couple that they were sprouting up too fast. In the end, they didn't know how to solve their problems because they went to immediately having sex. They wanted all the good stuff, but weren't prepared to sit through the uncomfortable stuff. Relationships are tough work sometimes. There are compromises that each person has to make; sometime pride just has run away with its tail between its legs because it just doesn't belong in a relationship.
I'll have to continue this later. Erick is here!
We are going to get new glasses for me!! yay!

I'm tired :(

I'm being forced to sit here and listen to my annoying roommate read from this book that she bought. I just want her to shut up already. I know she bought 300 bucks worth in books at Barnes and Noble. ya ya... what a waste I say. She didn't even buy any good books. I mean come on... buy some classics. I've been dying to get some good political philosophy books... I've read a bunch this year and I can't get enough... and yet, she just buys all these random stuff.
oye... I mean come on... don't you wonder why poor unfortunate people are raised in a house with no money or anything and yet there are these people that have everything and yet appreciate everything. They come flaunting their crap around all excited that they now have two nintendo DS... and then there are the rest of us who get a few things. I'm very happy with my things... I just don't want to hear about them... come on!!

I'm so done with this stuff... oye

I had a pretty rough day yesterday. I was a little sad when my roommate walked in with 100s of dollars worth in presents including a brand new Nintendo DS... which she got because she didn't like the white one she already had... she needed a pink one! aye!
It was very sad for me to have her walk in and be all excited about it when my day had been all about how my nana has been sick and near death and my everyone is sick and in the hospital.

anyway... enough feeling bad for myself. I got a couple gift cards for Target... which I combined to buy Grey's Anatomy season 2!! I'm so excited. I'm watching it right now... so bye!!

New Year Survey

1. Go to a party? Ya I went to a couple good parties this year, though I don't know if any of them are worth really mentioning. Justins party was pretty fun... the open bar was AMAZING!
2. Try something new? I tried my first cosmopolitan and washington apple :)
3. Have something change your life? I have gained three amazing roomates. They impact me every day :)
4. Kiss someone? Erick William Lange... the Love of my life!
5. Tell your family and friends you love them? I do a lot actually
6. Buy something extravagant? umm... I paid for tuition. I haven't spent as much money as I did last year. But, then again, I'm living in an apartment this year. I have more things to pay for.
7. Do something nice for you? Erick and I went to Vegas a few weeks ago and we went to Vegas back in April.
8. Do something terribly wrong? I think I've taken things for granted. I'll learn to be more what God wants me to be as I grow up. I suppose it is apart of life.
9. Move? I lived in the cottages last semester then I moved out to Highland and now I'm back on campus but in the apartments.
10. Go to a concert? Most recently, I saw the Toasters and the B-Sharps, Mad Caddies, Streetlight, Westbound Train, and Reel Big Fish... I know that there were more... I just can't remember any of them right now.

Best of the Year:
1. Party: My birthday party was pretty fun... until I threw up :(
2. Show: Grey's Anatomy, Heros!!!, General Hospital...
3. CD: Panic! At the Disco - A Fever you can't Sweat Out
4. Movie: Ferris Bueller's Day Off, Chronicles of Naria, Star Wars series except episode 1, Oceans 11, and some more... Lady in the Water :D
5. Song:
6. Experience: Joining chamber Choir, my trips to Catalina, finding that Erick is the one I love....
7. Concert: Ska is Dead 2 and the Mae/Relient K concert
8. Book: Utopia
9. Month: September...
10. Day: the 11th :)

Worst of the Year:
1. Party: The second party at Cliff's house was craptastic!
2. Show: One Tree Hill? haha... :)
3. CD: Tower of Power? no, I guess I don't really have a worst cd.
4. Movie: there was a move that I can't remember... maybe because I put it out of my memory.
5. Song: again, I don't think I have a worst song
6. Experience: Throwing up!!
7. Concert: I got hurt at the Streetlight concert... but, it was still a great concert!!!
8. Book: I don't read books that I don't love
9. Month: May through August when I was stuck in Highland
10. Day: there were a couple of day during the summer

Hopes for 2006:
1. Predict something that you think will happen in 2006? More War, Higher gas prices, hopefully some changes with american law will come when we are done filling places in the supreme court! :)
2. What do you hope changes about your country? I hope that it will become a better place to live. I hope that my life will not be tackled by taxes and capitalism
3. What do you hope for yourself? I hope that I will continue to grow up and figure out what I will do in the future
4. What do you hope for your family? That we will all have a place to call home again
5. What do you hope for your best friend? I hope that he will become even more of a great man of God.
6. What do you hope for the rest of your friends? I hope they find what they need this year :)
7. Do you think any amazing medical advances will be made? so let me be a little realistic... probably nothing will be amazing... probably just different forms of different medicines that will have different reactions but will never actually cure anything...

A little more than useless

I feel like
I would like
To be somewhere else
Doing something that matters
And I'll admit here
While I sit here
My mind wastes away
And my doubts start to gather
What's the purpose?
It feels worthless
So unwanted like I've lost all my value
I can't find itNot in the least bit
And I'm just scared
So scared that I'll fail You
Sometimes I think that I'm not any good at all
And sometimes I wonder why
Why I'm even here at all
But then You assure me
I'm a little more than useless
And when I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once
So I say if I can't
Do something significant
I'll opt to leave most opportunities wasted
And nothing trivial
That life can give you will
Measure up to what might have replaced it
Too late, lookMy date book
Is packed full of days that were empty and now gone
And I betThat regret
Will prove to get me to improve in the long run
Sometimes I think that I'm not any good at allA
nd sometimes I wonder why
Why I'm even here at all
But then You assure me
I'm a little more than useless
And when I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once
I'm a little more than useless
And I never knew I knew this
Was gonna be the day
Gonna be the day that I would do something right
Do something right for onceI noticedI know this
Weak is a symbol of how I use my time
Resent itI spent it
Convincing myself
The world's doing just fine
Without me (without me)
Doing anything of any consequence
Without me (without me)
Showing any sign of ever making sense
Of my timeIt's my life
And my right to use it like I should
Like He wouldFor the good
Of everything that I would ever know
I'm a little more than useless
And when I think that I can't do this
You promise me that I'll get through this
And do something right
Do something right for once
I'm a little more than useless
And I never knew I knew this
Was gonna be the day
Gonna be the day that I would do something right
Do something right for once

I've never been treated like this before in my whole life. I'm sick and tired of all of this arguing. Why do I keep doing this at all?

I hate you!

aye! I'm at home. I'm relaxing at home. Yesterday was fun. I went to Disneyland with Erick, Stephanie, and Victoria. It was pretty chill... except when no one was listening to me even when I had correct information. Everyone was listening to Victoria... and then we would get lost or a bad view... oye.... whatever, I had a lot of fun still.
Anyway... I'm sitting here... thinking that I have something to do. But, I can't really think of it. I don't know what the deal is. I think I'm still getting over this hectic semester. It was the worst yet.
What else is going through my mind? I had a really nice time in Vegas. I looked totally hot both nights. I think I have decided that I want to be that girl who wears purple in like every outfit. I think I look hot in a deep purple. :)
I'm pretty happy with everything that we did though.
so ya... I'm pretty much empty in thought.
I know I had something to say... but, right now I can't really remember.

So lates!

Its not completely official but, I got but, I'm pretty sure I got 1 A, 5 Bs, and a C... which makes me happy because 6 upper division classes was insane! Of course my grades are going to suffer a little with this kind of load. Bs are great though :)

Las Vegas

so... I just got back from Vegas. It was so much fun. I'm pretty sure that I was completely dehydrated this morning. I realized that I hadn't had really anything to drink the whole weekend. Just alcohol.... I didn't really drink a lot but with my meals I was ordering mojitos and sex on the beaches and midori coladas... and not water or soda. Oye!
Whatever... that is the least of my fun for the weekend.
Erick took me to the most romantic date yet. It was this really really nice italian restaurant, Fellini's. Its one of those with the waiters who actually know what they are doing. Ones that are old men with cute little suites and white gloves. It was totally romanitc. Overall, he spent like 85 bucks on dinner! Yikes! It was so good though... I ordered some kind of chicken stuffed with Riccotta cheese and these really great potatos. Erick had this Lamb Chops that were 23 dollars... which isn't the most expensive food that we've ordered... but, still... It was very cool. Along with that Erick was being his cutesie man that he is, he ordered wine and was all cute. I have to say he knows how to pick wine because the wine he picked wasn't so bad. I had a seabreeze... which made me sad because it didn't really match my food... but, its all good.
Anyway... Hey, I have to go to bed... its so late
And I'm going to Disneyland at noon tomorrow!
I'll write some more tomorrow!

I'm excited for this weekend. Las Vegas here we come! I've been inviting everyone who I could think could come... the more the merrier! A lot of people have things to do this weekend though, one person has a gig, another person has to pick his sister up from the airport, some other people I didn't even as because they have a baby now :) which is such a blessing.
Either way, I'm still looking for people to go... so if anyone is interested, you have my number. :)

Right now, I'm fighting off a cold and dealing with loads of stress. I think one thing I need to learn is to give my friends some slack. If they want to be all up on the PDA... then, I should just be aware of that and not expect anything else from them. I guess we have just grown apart a little bit since the two have become an item. I suppose I can deal with that. I know how important it is to be with the person you love. I'm with him during all of my free time. But, I suppose what is different for me is that I recognize my friends as well. I'm sure its just because we've been dating for over 2 years now. We probably use to be all over each other like they are now. Its cool :)

On one note, one thing that really bugged me was their lecture on sex to us. I might become a little grouchy about this topic so brace yourself...
I don't appreciate someone telling me how bad it is going to be and laughing that we are so "inexperienced" and how funny its going to be when we get married. It is ridiculous for someone to say something like that. I know that its not going to be as great as it could be without some practice, however I do strongly believe it is going to be more than just how it feels. For me it is going to be something profound. I've waited for Erick and he for me. I think that is going to mean more to me than how it feels the first time. We have the rest of our lives to make it perfect, we only have one first time.
I don't know, maybe I'm looking at it differently than they are. They didn't way until they got married. They have had sex with other people too. Maybe, I'm the only one in the whole world that thinks this way... all I know is that for me, I've waited 21 years of my life... and not just because it is going to be good (and sure that is part of it), but because I only want to share this with the person I love. So anyway... how dare someone laugh at me and make me feel insecure about a decision I have choosen to make. I think this decision is the best choice I have ever made. And considering that they have told me the problems they have to deal with because they had sex with other people... I think I'm in the green! :D

Anyway... I should be writing my paper. I have about an hour before I get pooped out and tired.
I miss writing in here. Its been super busy this semester. 18 units... all of them academic. I know for a fact that this isn't exactly normal... most people I know who were taking 18 units were taking a couple of choirs and music performances plus some lower division and PE. I'm taking 5 upper division (4 history and 1 political science) which basically means 5 papers and a second language... which means 150 vocab words plus grammer rules and translation deals... Greek is kicking my butt!
As I get off topic... I think I'll end now! Bye!

I'm tired and exhausted. I don't know why I wear myself so thin. It is difficult to imagine the things that I am putting myself through.
I'm still attempting to revise the United States in this thought paper due Monday. However, I am having a difficult time. With every solution comes a different problem. It is hard for me to truly find something wrong with the system that could realistically be solved. Overall, we could say that we hate America and the way things are runned but, do you think things could really be changed? And, if we hate America so much, what would change it to? People are too greedy for a communal system or a even a monarchy.
This is the hardest paper I have ever had to do in my life.
And on top of this I still have to study for my other tests! urg!

You stupid inconsiderate whore! I'm sick of you changing plans and being stupid because Jason wants you to. I'm sick of you making and canceling plans for no reason at all. Don't push your F ing self in just to cancel. I didn't want you to be at Disneyland... but, you pushed your way in... and now, you can't go because stupid Jason doesn't want you. Well screw you guys... I'm not making any more plans with you if you are going to be dumb. I don't know why I always forget that you are freaking dumb.
You spoiled little whore!!

stupid computer!! I'm so sick of it!
I had to borrow Erick's computer to get somethings done!!