Housing

I need to get financial clearance soon or I'm not going to keep my housing. I don't know what to do. :(

realization :)

I realized that the idea behind what I was trying to prevent was sort of faded behind what I thought was the right idea. I hate that because I am raised to follow beliefs blindly... I'm left with guilt any time I do something that might not even be sinful. Like drinking, I seriously don't see the problem... but, I still feel guilty and I still feel like I have to hide it. Its all just a load of crap.
I hate hearing ministers saying "you need to find out everything for yourself"... and then they say things that I don't see in the bible any where...

Anyway... I know who I love. I know he is the one I'm going to marry. We aren't having sex. We are expressing ourselves and loving each other. And, well, in my mind as long as whatever we are doing doesn't lead us to wanting to have sex we are good. The second it does is the second we need a cool down. But, it is unrealistic to think that we will never think about it, or to think that we will never kiss or hug or anything. It is ridiculous to think that we can just turn off our God given sex drives. We were built to be married at like 13... and here we are at 21 trying to control something that is completely hormonal.
I think sometimes things have become a bit ridiculous.
Whatever the case... I can feel confident in saying we are not having sex and wont until we are married. We are respecting each other, and we love each other, and that is the fact that is the most meaningful.

waiting...

I'm still waiting for my dad to get his lazy butt up to take me to see m nana... They wanted me to come over around now... What am I going to tell them when he never wakes up? HE was suppose to take me this morning around 10... and here we are at 1:30... and he's "naping" I could have just had Erick take me. But, now, I'm stuck waiting for him! ugh!

jeeze

I feel nausus and let down. My stupid dad is being ridiculous! I'm so sick of him! I'm practicially locked in my room and to teach me a lesson the air conditioning is turn to 82 instead of 74 like it usually is during the day. You know what though? I don't care! If he wants to make himself miserable than sorry for him because I have a bathing suit I can just go swimming. I have a boyfriend so I can go to the library... but, the stupid dad who is addicted to sleeping pills and is being crazy when he wakes up... he can't handle his own treatment. So, whatever to him!

DCI brush up

Right now, I'm taking the time to brush up on my DCI stuff... since, I have to go to a show in Riverside on Sunday, and since Erick has volunteered himself to drive everyone and their mom... all these well known DCI junkies... and, rather than sitting their not knowing what I'm talking about and being edged out of the conversation, I have decided to brush up with my favorite drum corps the Cavies(or the cavaliers) So basically, I'm downloading some of their shows. Right now, I think I'm listening to 2001... its pretty good I must say.
Anyway... hopefully, if Ben is there... I won't feel too left out, but I have no idea if he is going to go. I'm sleepy, I was sleeping about an hour ago and my dad called to let me know something random... then when I was going back to bed he called to ask about the phone bill so I'm guessing he went to my nana's yet again with out me. They totally hate me I know... and its not my fault. He goes with out me. He could easily wake me up and say I'm going to nana's... want to come? If he ruins my cosign for me and I'm forced to work at McDonalds... I'll be so pissed at him. You have no idea how pissed I'll be.

Anyway... I'm waiting for Erick to call... most likely he isn't awake... I really hope he is.
Alrighty... well, I think I'll read a book and listen to some DCI until he gets here... and maybe go find a cat to bother! I'm sure penguin is sitting on what she thinks is her chair in the other room...
Ok lates

a definition

"Pay it Forward" - when something is done nice to you... you are to "pay it forward" by doing a selfless act to someone else, often to people whom you don't even know.

The idea is that it will spread and created an enviroment of selfless acts.

This movie is really good by the way!

I'm really stressed about what is going to happen with school. I need to call on Monday or Tuesday and find out if I can get temporary financial clearance. I think its due July 1st... or I'll get my classes dropped and my I'll lose my apartment... so hopefully they will be cool with that!
Ok bye!

Pay It Forward (2000)

I'm watching a movie on TBS about a kid(Haley Jo Osmund?) who is trying to change his mothers life by medling and trying to set her up. Anyway... Its pretty good. I just want to state that. I kind of like these movies where people go through a process of change. Kevin Spacey plays this dorking teacher in this movie... and I was just thinking about watching American Beauty which also has this progression. Its an amazing movie.

Anyway... I'm tired. I was just thinking about how good this movie is... I don't think it made it big... but, its a good indy film that I'm known for loving! so LATES

I've been stressed all day about this cosign dealy... I don't know what to do. I need a loan to go to school and I don't have anyone to cosign for me! I'm afraid to ask nana and papa... They are ridiculous!

Stressed out! aHH!

I'm so stressed!! I've been dropped from my financial aid because I have a withdraw from last semester. So, what I'm doing is appealing the financial aid proving that I have great grades and that I wasn't prepared enough to take ASL2 since I hadn't take it in a year, and I forgot to drop... which I know is the most well known statement of... "make sure you don'ts and dos" when you join college! ugh!!
So anyway... its my fault! But, I'm hoping they will see my great grades and they will give me another opportunity! LATES

So it is another day... I'm looking forward to Monday! Its so exciting! I want to just spend a nice relaxing day with Erick... maybe a romantic one... I haven't had one of those in a while. There has been so much drama lately. It is impossible to get a job sometimes... I think a job would make this world so much easier.

Disneyland!!

YAY! I'm going on a trip to Disneyland on Monday! I'm so happy! Its going to be a blast! I'm totally looking forward to riding the new Pirates! yay yay! It opens brand new on Monday (26th)... I'm hoping to get there right when it opens and I'm hoping to ride the ride a couple of times... atleast two... I know a bunch of people are going to be there to ride too!!

Its going to be cool. I'm hoping to meet up with some Mice Chatters! It should be great!

Food 4 less is so anoying... Let me take a chance to vent. I've been calling and calling for like a month, probably more than a month. UGH! And, she tells me to call her today... and she's all on vacation!! "f" her! Anyway... I talked to my nana... and though I could use the money... I can appease her by getting any job... pay or not. Anyway... I'm going to finish watching this show... lates!

Blank Title... yay me!

as bland as life is right now... I'm still laughing to myself because I know I'm doing well for myself. You know, I was thinking... I could definately graduate on time if I took an extra class this semester... but, do I really want to push myself like that? after 2 semester... I'll have 14 units left to take. But, I think what I was considering was taking 2 classes during the summer and then getting a full time job during my last fall semester and getting an apartment. Hopefully, Erick and I can either get married that winter or that summer. Its really not that far away. I think I might want a summer wedding... I have a bad taste in my mouth about winter weddings. Maybe, I just need to go to a few mmore to prove to me they can me nice and not gloomy. Its just those dang clouds and rain and everything.
Anyway... I've been thinking a lot about getting married lately. I think it might be because Style is having their "21 day wedding party" thing where they play like wedding shows all day!! Erick said I can start thinking about what I want for our wedding. Its going to be so amazing. So I'm thinking about starting a folder where I'll start cutting out things that I like, so that in a year when I need to start planning, I'll know exactly what I want. Its going to be great! :)

rolls eyes!

Ugh... some people need to grow up. Some people need some self control. Some people are acting crazy and I need talk to someone about it.

Stressed :(

I'm so stressed... I don't know what to do! I'm so worried for Erick. I don't know what to do for the situation. I don't know what to think or ask. I don't want Erick to really be kicked out. Its ridiculous. I'm so worried. I suppose if he gets into CBU... it will work out whether he is kicked out or not. I think it would be ok... but, it all relies on that.
The fact is Erick's neighbor is sticking her nose where it does belong. Her temper is far out of control and she manipulating Erick's mom far beyond what I ever though possible. She made up all these lies about me and Erick... and Erick's mom is so tired and drained because of everything that has happened this year, she didn't even defend Erick when Alice tried to choke him last night. I can't believe it. Anyway... Erick spent the night at Jason and Caleb's house last night. I guess they called him a bunch of times this morning but, he was sleeping.
He's calling his mom right now to try and figure it out. Hopefully it will be ok and hopefully Alice isn't over right now.
Ok BYE

A Devil Named Alice

I've been trying to post for days and days... but, for some reason Blogger would never upload! so... anyway... I surprisingly took a chance... and hear I am.

So anyway... what I came on to write about was Erick's neighbor Alice and the mean things she said about me. There are all these misconceptions about me... She flat out lied to Erick about all of our conversations. I'm so offended by the things she said and partially wish Erick never told me them because I'm now very hurt. But, anyway... I'm so anoyed by her. She made up all this dialogue that I had with her... some mythical argument where I was rude and confrontational. She said I was bossing ERick around about some wood... when She was the one yelling at us about how we shouldn't put wood in the trunk... and then changing her story when Erick's mom said it was a good idea to take the fence wood to the beach for a bonfire. She tried to take credit for my smart idea of putting a sheet down so it would get the trunk all dirty. Then she made up some dialogue about how she was asking everyone if the car was ours... and if that's why we made the decision to ruin the car with wood in the trunk... as if some how the car was hers... ugh! And, she told Erick that I argued with her about that when she didn't even ask us that questions.
So then, she had the nerve to tell Erick that he shouldn't let me tell him what to do like I was making him drive all the way out here to see me. Erick makes his own decisions... I would like to see him... but, I'm not forcing him to do anything. Then she asked Erick this insulting questions which was "your mom doesn't like her either does she?" which is stupid because his mom likes me a lot (atleast from what I can tell) she likes me enough to point out my accomplishments when she is talking down to Erick... not that that is good... but, ya... still a valid point. Anyway... I'm done. I have a bunch of stuff to say but, blogger is being slow so I'm going to be finished!
LATES for now...

a Hint of Sarcasm? Yes please!

good times... I am rolling my eyes... its good stuff! :)

Beautiful - Shawn Mcdonald

As I look into the stars
Pondering how far away they are
How You hold them in Your hands
And still You know this man
You know my inner most being, oh
Even better than I know, than I know myself
What a beautiful God
What a beautiful God
And what am I, that I might be called Your child
What am I, what am I
That You might know me, my King
What am I, what am I, what am I
As I look off into the distance
Watching the sun roll on by
Beautiful colors all around me, oh
Painted all over the sky
The same hands that created all of this
They created you and I
What a beautiful God
What a beautiful God
And what am I, that I might be called Your child
What am I, what am I
That You might know me, my King
What am I, what am I
That You might die, that I might live
What am I, what am I, what am I, what am I

Party? maybe this weekend! :)

I hope this weekend is a blast! I think it will be! woot! I haven't had one of those weekends since my birthday! My birthday was amazing... and, this weekend is Justin's birthday! woot!

Just thinking

I know its early but, I've been thinking about my upcoming marriage! :) Its not really that far away. Its about a year and a half probably... If I really wanted to make it happen I could get married earlier but, I don't think it would be a smart idea. So anyway... in a year, I could get engaged and I can start planning my dream wedding...
My uncle was hinting to me last February that I should have my wedding at Mission Inn, and when Erick and I were there we accidently stumbled across this beautiful room that I would kill to marry Erick in. Its like an art gallery but the door opens to this beautiful staircase that splits to both sides. The room is long with tall ceilings. Its so beautiful. There are also some other things I have decided I want either a Red and White wedding or an eggplant(purple) and yellow wedding. For my bridesmaid dresses I want to have my girls to pick what ever dress they want as long as they are exactly the same color... so basically they will have to be made out of the same fabric and probably from the same store.
Oh, another decision Erick and I have made was that we want a bar and wine at our wedding. It is absurbed to think that we could not serve alcohol at our wedding because we are "christians"... After much research, Jesus made more wine at a wedding. I mean, come on... I think that gives us permission to have alcohol and if someone has a problem with it... then whatever to you! :)
Anyway... It is going to be great :) I'm going to have my bachlors in a year or so and then I'm on to start my life. Erick won't be done that early but, that's ok it should still work out. I'll have a job, and he'll have a job... so it should work out! :) If not, I should still be able to afford my own apartment which should be nice! :)

It will be nice to be not living with my parents... then again, this is the first time I've relied on my dad in over a year. It will be nice to not have a roommate (other than my future husband). It will be nice to be "all grown up". Ok I'm done! I'm hungry! LATES!

a wrap up

What is new? I went fishing today... it was a good day! I'm going to a baseball game this weekend. I'm pretty pumped about that. We bought three tickets... but, we are still deciding who to invite. Its a toss up between Mike who is generally fun... but, under age... and Jason who is fun when he isn't being a huge flake! Who knows what will happen... but, either way it should be fun...
So anyway... off from my tangent... today, I made my first chicken meal. I don't know why I never cooked chicken before. Its so easy. All you do is flip it like twice... and let it sit for like 10 minutes a side with the lid on. It turned out really good and perfect. Its really cool because it was only like 6 points for the chicken and then I sauteed some onion and garlic to go on top of it... and that was about 3 points for the butter that I put on... not too bad. As for the weight loss... I'm really excited because I've already lost about 10lbs... which is not too bad... if I keep this up I'll be in good shape by the time school starts... either way... I'm pretty satisfied with this new way of eating. Its just plain more healthy. I don't feel like I'm missing out on things. I just don't eat until I'm stuffed any more... and I keep an eye on trips to the fridge to pick up a handful of cheese (mmm cheese)...
I slipped up this week a little... just a little and I didn't really even go over on my weekly allowance points but, still I try not to even use my allowance points, but this week I did because I've been out a bunch of times... Oh let me talk about my trip to Morongo.
Ok so, Erick and I went to Morongo on Wednesday? no Thursday... It was so fun. My mom's friend rented a cabana out by the pool and we chilled their and ordered drinks and appetizers and we went swimming. It was really hot but the water was really really nice, and the drinks were really good. And, anyway... Joe made reservations for the ultra sleek/ultra nice resteraunt on the 27th(?) floor of the hotel... called Cielo. It was so nice.... meals ranged from pizza at $10 to Lobster at $99! I got the $21 Herb Roasted Chicken and I split the $10 Ceaser Salad and the $8 Creme Brulee with Erick. Overall, it was a very expensive dinner... but, well worth it. Its nice to be able to have a special dinner every so often. We watched the sun set from our seats and we laughed and had a really good time. When the meal was over we went back down to the pool and had another swim in the lazy river... and a couple slides down the slide... and then our day was over. It was fun!
Anyway... I think I'm going to go nag Erick to finish playing baseball... I can hear him sighing all disappointed and loudly!
OK "Smell you Later"

Picture Picture!!

haha let me take this brief momment to brag about a super fly weekend I had last Saturday... I went to the Mad Caddies concert with Erick and Ben! It was so much fun! I can't believe how great of a concert it was! It was one of the best concerts I've ever been to! It was a great weekend... It was so much better than sitting at home and watching The Never Ending Story... or something! Let me share some pictures of the night... some super great pictures... I was so close... I was leaning on the stage and the trombone player Eddie Hernandez stood almost directly over me while he was walking on that divider between the pit and lookers... it was so cool... and like I said, I got some really good pictures!

Ok so anyway... I had a good times! And, let me talk about how fabulous my Thursday was! I ate dinner at Cielo in the Morongo! Top that!! omgosh! I had Herb Roasted Chicken... and potatos and onions and this really good butter/chicken broth sauce... it was so good! I loved it! Oh... and I had a Creme Brulee for desert!

I had a good time yesterday!! Anyway... I'm done! I'm going to write some more later... I'm watching Friends with Erick :)

On a Side Note...

*plays the tiniest saddest violin*

I have a though in my head... its kind of humerous to me. Its very dramatic... its completely drawn out.

I don't even feel like going into detail on here. haha... but, amongst my friends it should be a funny story to tell!

oh shoot... I need to call Erick... I'll be back!

Absent

When I get older and I have kids of my own, I'm afraid that I won't know how to be a good mother. I'm afraid that I don't know how to be a good parent or a good wife. Its scary to be so broken and untrusting... I'm afraid of cheating and failure and screwing up my kids just like I am... :)
Aye! I'm done! :)