realization :)

I realized that the idea behind what I was trying to prevent was sort of faded behind what I thought was the right idea. I hate that because I am raised to follow beliefs blindly... I'm left with guilt any time I do something that might not even be sinful. Like drinking, I seriously don't see the problem... but, I still feel guilty and I still feel like I have to hide it. Its all just a load of crap.
I hate hearing ministers saying "you need to find out everything for yourself"... and then they say things that I don't see in the bible any where...

Anyway... I know who I love. I know he is the one I'm going to marry. We aren't having sex. We are expressing ourselves and loving each other. And, well, in my mind as long as whatever we are doing doesn't lead us to wanting to have sex we are good. The second it does is the second we need a cool down. But, it is unrealistic to think that we will never think about it, or to think that we will never kiss or hug or anything. It is ridiculous to think that we can just turn off our God given sex drives. We were built to be married at like 13... and here we are at 21 trying to control something that is completely hormonal.
I think sometimes things have become a bit ridiculous.
Whatever the case... I can feel confident in saying we are not having sex and wont until we are married. We are respecting each other, and we love each other, and that is the fact that is the most meaningful.